Edima Usoro

I’ve never seen a country full of people who love titles. I’m serious when I literary say: I’m Dr.Mrs.Evangelist Lady Empress Promise Usoro.

Don’t ask many questions please, just address me correctly. Thank you or, is that too much to ask of you?

I hate it when I go for an event and don’t get recognized or worse, I’m classified as just an ordinary random invitee.

The other day, I was at my son’s convocation with my husband who is a Dr.Prince Architect. The MC was recognizing dignitaries and when it was our turn, he addressed my husband as Mister; simple plain Mister!!!

I was furious and told him not to stand and trust me, I made them apologize. Really, they have no idea what it took us to make a name; titles that they may never earn, their entire life put together.

I can excuse you if we are meeting for the first time and you address me wrongly. I won’t be offended with a ‘Madam’ or ‘Ma’am’… that is still used in the elite world and commands authority. I can go on and on about my love for titles but it still won’t be enough to justify the sins of those who don’t acknowledge me. You can’t blame me my countrymen, I’m in a country where titles are craved whether you deserve it or not.

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What if we wake up one morning to realize that internet has ceased to exist? No more Google, no more Facebook, no Twitter, no Gmail, no Yahoo, no nothing!!!

Would your first reaction be: Oh my God or OMG! I won’t be able to post my pictures! All that selfie wasting! Or will it be: where am I gonna get materials to do my term paper? For those of us who like free things: Jeezzzz! No more Wiki!!!!; Exclaiming with our eyes bulging from the socket.

The smarties will most likely assume that an error occurred somewhere: maybe a technical hitch so sites are down but will be restored real soon right after they’ve had breakfast.

But then, the morning drags by, afternoon and then evening, still no show. Perhaps panic sets in at this point and trust the media: ‘DOOMS DAY: WORLDWIDE INTERNET SHUTDOWN’ making headline news. Now, your eyes are glued to the TV and ears stuck on the radio for updates on the situation.

After all the hype, the noise and the drama fades, the reality of the situation sets in but hold on… Do you realize that a world without internet will be normal? I’m not crazy but let’s look at the situation of things generally. Everything that though strange, acceptable or non-acceptable becomes normal after a while once it’s been known or identified. Centuries ago, it was normal to have really large computers then smaller ones were produced. Now, it’s normal and no news to see sophisticated digital devices. This has been identified and so now normal. A world without internet will likewise be the same.

Libraries will be more utilized because you don’t have a choice and what about the brain? So imagine years gone by and you’re telling your great- grand-kids how you had internet. They’ll laugh and only wonder what it felt like to have access to one but it will be normal in their time that it doesn’t exist and perhaps trigger them to reproduce such tales.

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I’ve never been out on my own, today is a first. Not just out on my own like taking a walk from my house to the entrance of the street but out on my own like in a bus heading to Lagos state. I was excited, so excited that I didn’t mind being squeezed on a row of seat meant for a few. As far as I am concerned, I am out of the house; seat belt or no seat belt. (God will take charge somehow, isn’t that what we say?)

I couldn’t afford to sleep because I couldn’t bear to miss any moment of fun. All around me passengers slept soundly. I began to pray the driver doesn’t do same for the atmosphere was too conducive.  It was wonderful watching trees pass by and other cars zoom by though there were times I got scared if we would have a head on collision.

And then it happened! More than half way into the journey, our bus stopped right there in the middle of the road. Our saving grace was that no other car was coming at top speed. Surrounded by bushes and tall trees, I began to panic. Who will stop to help us on this lonely road? With the aid of some passengers, the driver pushed the vehicle off the road. I was totally destabilized when he announced that we need to find our way to our destination alone. Of course, he couldn’t refund our money because we had exchanged it for bus ticket at the head office.

Angry passengers began to trek. Fortunately, some flagged down other vehicles that stopped to pick them. That weird feeling overshadowed. This one time I decided to be on my own, something had to happen!

I didn’t realize I had been standing there for hours till I noticed the sun had started setting. A rickety bus finally stopped to pick me. The seat and backrest were metallic. In fact, there were no seats, just metals constructed in place of seat. Don’t ask how I managed to sit through the rest of my journey. As if this drama was not enough, it started raining heavily so all the windows had to be shut. A pure mixture of sweat and body odor was enough to slay a man but I survived.

A feeling of nausea overtook me with panic attacks at intervals. Till today I still wonder how I survived my journey to the city. The memory is becoming hazy but I shan’t forget it sooner than you think.

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Why do we wish for things we don’t have or might never have? Why do we wish for things that last only for a while and cause more pain than gain? Why do we wish for yellow roses when the red one is the most common or snow to fall when we know we are in Nigeria? Maybe this is what keeps us going or maybe it’s what we call hope. One can never tell which at times, which is perfectly ok! It only gets sore when we beg for the beautiful things of life.

She wasn’t born a beggar, rich kid from a wealthy home with a family name. But oh no! She wanted more; much more than life can offer. Sometimes I wondered what she sought. Could it be the adventure, the danger or the fun? She stood by the corner of the road flagging down flashy cars, men who were ready to spend good cash on cheap girls. I wouldn’t dare say she was cheap; she was a girl with class and taste who with just a phone call can get an even better car brand than the Jeep she sat in.

Men marveled at such rare beauty. Skin so soft, hair so silky like satin and lips so red like the color in the rainbow. She was beautiful with firm figure and curves like the hour glass. I present to you one of God’s creations.

Not so fast with the appraisal. Life is short she said, so live it to the fullest and have no regrets. She felt men were impressed by looks so she would spend hours in front of her mirror adorning herself with precious jewels and flawless makeup. All that had no meaning as it all ended up on the streets begging for men and beckoning for a bed warming. When the morning light creeps in, she’s gone with the wind leaving behind a single rose for the man who shared her bed.

It is foolishness I must say because you can never beg your way to a decent man’s heart. She desires to marry and raise her children I hear and so I laugh in pidgin! Then and only then will her flaws be revealed. All the men you dined with will come after your soul and what will be left will be painful memories and stories untold.

I fear for her children for they will have no father. I fear for her husband for he will have no wife. I fear for her family for she has killed the name but what I fear for most will be her sanity when she realizes she’s lost everything and all the men desire her no more. What great sorrow shall befall ‘Taira’, the beautiful beggar?

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Have you ever sat for a painful lecture, one you can’t escape from while wondering how you need this in your later life? Much better if you can zoom out into your own world of fun and excitement. Much worse if you can’t because you’re forced to listen; perhaps, the lecturer may throw a question at you, a question with grave consequences if not answered correctly.

On one of those days, I got bored counting how many girls used a rubber band to tie their hair. By now I’m sure you know I had already noted how many pretty girls were in my class. I was just about to count how many girls wore pink when someone sneezed. I’ve heard people sneeze but this one was unique, soft and light accompanied by a quick ‘Excuse Me’. When she looked up; what coy smile she had. I’ve never seen her smile before. Wow, she was so beautiful but how come I never noticed? The smile faded just as soon as it appeared.

Sadly, I could never erase the impression it had on my heart.

Slowly as each day went by, I found a new area of interest, she. I watched her sit, stand, play, write but what struck me most was that she always kept to herself with her earpiece or headphones constantly plugged in. She spoke little to her supposed friends and always appeared deep in thoughts. I prayed for courage to walk up to her but the more I prayed, the less I could.

I got bored one evening and decided to go for a walk. Behold, there she was in front of me. I followed her from a distance hoping my legs would take me faster. Her long dark hair shone in the night light and at that point, I wished she were mine. I didn’t realize I was indeed getting too close. So close I could hear her sniffing. It appeared she was crying. I think she sensed a presence and wiped her tears just so to hide what hurt her the most.

As I walked past her, she lifted her head and our eyes met. She turned her face and kept walking and my lips refused to part to let the word ‘Hello’ escape. That night, I saw no sleep as I kept tossing and turning wondering what could make such a pretty girl cry when no one was looking. No one seemed to know anything about her except general details she carefully picked to share. If only I could get to her perhaps I could be a friend; of course, just a friend.

Time sped by just as fast as the seasonal changes lately but my love for her never dwindled. I never dated any girl because I felt I was cheating on her if I did. I know I sound crazy but when you’re in love, you can do anything; almost anything. Graduation came and I knew we had to part ways; such joyful sorrow interlocked with unrefined love. I don’t blame her; she never knew I existed. Someone but me just has to be blamed and so I blame it on my tongue that never found words to say and my hands that never found paper to write a simple note. And oh! I forgot to include the pen I never had to put ink on paper. I leave you to wonder if I ever had a note in class.

One thing I am sure of is that I will see her someday and then I will have the right words to say to her. I would hold my beloved close to my heart and she will cease to be a damsel in distress.

Image Credit: TNW